THE FISHER KING

I am the bravest of the bravehearts! Brave enough to bring back the dead, to revive the un-alive! I am the madman with a toothache! I am Archangel Gabriel, my halo thick with fumes as I bend to kiss Elsa's lily-hand! I am St. Sebastian and the arrow slips clean through my loden-coat at 6:53!

Would that I were anyone else. Would that I had stayed in that sweet daffodil town and let the schoolchildren remake me. If I could rewrite history as Richard writes drama I would be the best the world had ever seen. The best opera-goer, best horse-whisperer, best tale-teller, best lake-swimmer. I could take history any which way and I could take you with me. I really could.

I am the unhappy son of the unhappy moon and I will not be outshone! I turn my back to all things blonde and pretty and I live under a fast-turning sky. I am the most beautiful of the beautiful and my lovers leave me. I am lonely in a crowd and have good company in an empty dining room. I am first and last King and they took my heart away from me, wrapped it up like they did my soldier-brother. I am standing on a bridge and my hot-iron curls are going gray and I will not live to see Swan Lake.

DEER CAUGHT IN FLOODLIGHTS

We're gettin' outta here, an' I know where I should go, but I gotta let him pick. He's stupid and violent and miserable, but I gotta give him a chance 'cos I gotta. You gotta give guys like this a chance an' that's what I did. Gave him his big chance at dyin' on live TV. Becomin' a star. I know he's got no body to call an' say goodbye to, but I gotta hold the phone out for him anyway. Gotta play along, can't let the FBI know the kid they're gonna kill is lonely, 'cos then they wouldn't kill him right. I'll get us good burials. Least they could do. I hope they shoot him in the chest, 'cos I'd hate to see his baby-face get all fucked up. I hope they shoot me first, but I know they won't. He's gonna die because of me, y'know? Because I was in love, not him. How's that! Dying for love's romantic an' all, but I dunno about dyin' for someone else's love. Nice of him, though. Nice of him to lemme convince him, lemme act like there was any way he'd ever say no. We' been in here a long time now. He took his coat off an' everything, an' you can see those stupid tattoos. I wish he kept it on, even though it's so fuckin' hot in here. Makes him look bad. I don' want him looking bad on TV. His parents don't even know he's a fag. He looked real spiffy when we got here, like a real mafioso, 'cept his tie was on backwards. I wish he'd smoke or something. He looks so, like, strung-out, with his big stupid gun. Holdin' on to the thing like it's the last shotgun on the planet. This is the worst thing he's ever done, and we both know it. And he's doin' it for me. Where we're goin's a lot worse than jail. But he don't mind, 'cos nowhere's worse than jail, and wha'do I fuckin' know, right? Maybe he's right, though. He thinks I'm gonna walk away, an' if I walk away an' he doesn't, then I'm sure as hell going somewhere worse than he is. That's how this stuff works: the guy that gets away really gets it twice as bad. So I let him pick, but he dunno where we should go. He wants me to decide. He wants me to let him get killed, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I'm never, ever, gonna forget it: that much the both of us know.

SONG FOR THE GREYHOUND BUS TAKER

i want to die! says the boyandthen
i want to die! i want to be free
says the boyandthen ;
oh joy iwant to be free!
oh iwant to walk the wild earth
and climb with eyes clear the towers
of newnewyorkcity and walk lonesome
the bigskyofamerica!
oh america, give and take and kiss
wrap in your sad arms all lost
and all wanderers the super sargasso
is manned and busy welcome welcome
welcome welcome here i come!
drivers tumble dry from easttowest
and back again! and backagain!
and i am home atlast oh thank you
oh happyhomesickness oh hole in my heart
filled with spun sugar and dessert dust
i am home and you are with me! here
are mymypeople strangers and stranger
all of us are the same and for that i kiss
the ground i cling to ha ha! oh i thank
thankgod for america notamerica but
this big and tall and flat and small
crowwded and empty and all
i am home at last among the other people!

the boy he is a boyforever in neveramerica
where all men and women and girls are boys
with big freckle smiles and sleepy eyes and
leakyroofs and angry ttownsffolk
and nobody is anything if everybody is
and thats the best you are free free freefree
welcome johnny boy to america
first and last home of all barterers
and salespeople! only hardheart americans
do not belong here ; you sadhappy unamerican
will fit right in with the other unfit
youll fit right in as soon as you give up hope
welcome to america sistercity of hell
brothercity of heaven the redemptive
flows like oil beneath the dry earth
and the wet slickstreet you can be someone
old reinvent the already invented

the boy doesn't want to die he wants to look
looklooklook here it is here it is
for you and for everyone all the
highwaymen are friends and you
are friendsofafriend and any friend
of yours is a friend too! land of
briefpartners and longbuildings
where each cobblestone and fencepost
likes the radio and strangers call you
whatyouare : wanna have a cup
of coffee? s'better than that cheap ambrosia
they have in your hometownkid:: thank you thank
you thank you says the suicidalist i am mortal
again i missed it i haven't been mortal in a long
longtime! i missed coffee and desert for breakfast
and i am alive again ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
i am alive again in the land of ladyluck the land
where all workers carry godluck in
their chest pockets and pictures
of kids in their wallets
and where neon signs are parentteachers!
i am alive again and happy and a traveler
the cards in my suitcase are from a friend
a goodstranger taxidriver scamartists museumkids
make the best friends! that's transitory, man!